california (working title)

[gollum]

lemme know what you think...

we sit on the rocky shore of the reservoir, under the looming slope of the hill that exists to contain the floodplain, watching the boats traverse the whitecaps and bob around below the line of condos that mars the other shore. she's lying upside down on her favorite pink rock, her hair spread out below her as though it's flowing down the slope, pouring out of her skull. "look at that one," she says slowly, and points up at the clouds above her.
"a dragon?" i guess.
"a horse with wings."
i take a bite out of my cottage cheese and let the curds roll around between tongue and teeth as i squint at the sky. "the one next to that one that looks like a bloated, dead cow lying on its back?"
"you're so gross," she tells me.
i take another bite of my cottage cheese, and before that one's even half-gone, another. i'm wolfing it down like i'm addicted, as if you could chain smoke cottage cheese or something. i'm eating like i haven't eaten in months.
we're picnicking here on the underside of the hill, overlooking Lake Monroe. we do this every now and again?drive out here, watch the waves and boats cruise by in front of us, look for things in the clouds that aren't really there. she always lies on the grass like it costs her too much effort to sit up, and i always eat the food by myself. invariably, she ends up with her feet above her head, and her shirt rides up, and i get a good look at the ribs poking out at me, or the hip bones that can't stick out far enough to hold up her always sagging pants.
she turns her head to look at me as i finish the last of the cottage cheese. "gee, Sarah, you didn't save any for me?" she asks.
"sorry, Adriana. i forgot how much you looooooooove cottage cheese," i say, rolling my eyes. Adriana's got this thing about curdled milk?i think she had a bad experience with it as a child or something, coz she thinks cottage cheese is about the most disgusting food you can find.
i make it a point to bring it with us on our excursions to the hill.
i look in the Kroger bag for my next victim. "want some of my pbj?" i ask her.
"nah." this, too, is part of the routine. i take a bite of my sandwich.
Adriana rolls over onto her stomach. "so Thomas doesn't want to go to San Francisco." she leans down, very carefully, balancing her ribs on the edge of the stone, and scoops up a handful of pebbles.
my sandwich has turned to stone in my mouth. i swallow as much of it as i can. i try to think up something intelligent to say, but end up sticking to a careful, "how come?"
she lets the pebbles drop from her fingers, one by one. "you know Thomas. he's too much of a farm boy to leave the midwest. he'd hate California."
and you'd love it, i think, sighing to myself. Adriana was destined for a place like California. she just ended up being born in the midwest and hasn't found her way out yet.
she looks up suddenly, gazing out over the water, her long, straight hair hanging down her back. "i mean, what do you do in San Francisco, anyway?" a thin crease appears in her forehead as she frowns at the water, then looks down at her hands again. the rest of the pebbles slide out of her fingers and into the gravel.
my sandwich disappears in three bites. i can't think of anything to say, so i shove more food in my mouth. i start slicing chunks off of the wedge of cheddar.
i watch Adriana as she reaches down to stir the gravel. i'm staring at her, watching her, but she's too absorbed in the rocks beneath her fingers to notice. did i ever mention how in love i am with Adriana? Thomas too, but that's another story for another time. they're a strange couple, though. Adriana's always looking west, while Thomas is busy absorbing the land around him. he's a part of it, just like Adriana's always seemed to be stumbling around on foreign soil. i can't see them lasting, although i love Adriana too much to tell her that.
i'm too afraid of Thomas to ever bring it up to him, and it's not like he'd listen to me if i did.
Adriana rolls around until she's sitting up, her knees pulled up to her chest, still looking out over the reservoir. she's holding a pebble between her fingers, rolling it around.
"it's like he was born with a tattoo of Elvis on his arm or something," she says all of a sudden. "like he popped out of the ground in the middle of a cornfield or something, like he wouldn't know what to do if there were hills on the horizon. like that whole midwest americana thing is his birthright, his inheritance."
"like the family farm with the basketball hoop over the barn door still exists." she pushes herself upright, unfolding her long arms until she's balanced between them and her legs, then rocking onto her feet. i can do nothing but watch as she stands there for a moment, a lanky silhouette against the water. even the food in my mouth is forgotten. she is so beautiful. she is, at this moment, so far away that i could not reach her if i tried.

[Ersby]

"like he wouldn't know what to do if there were hills on the horizon." I like that line.

Interesting stuff, though. Is there more?

[JaceSan]

I like it gollum. The feeling of watching two people you care about come apart slowly, not being able to explain to them what is obvious to you. Do you meddle and try and help them, or let it be?

[gollum]

well, i'm not sure yet what Sarah's gonna do, if anything, although i have the feeling Adriana's gonna find her way westward at some point. and yeah, this is part of a larger world in my head...Thomas is actually the same Thomas from the story i posted a long while ago, the one about the chick thinking about the way her life would've been if they'd hooked up? that's Thomas (the guy she's thinking about, not the chick . but whether or not this all develops into something larger or not, only time'll tell, i guess.

thanks for reading

-g

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Sometimes i think everyone on this board is crazy. The rest of the time i'm sure. -Dan
somehow i see [gollum] clinging to a tower and rousingly calling for a new world order. -starky

Yeah, I'm a real prize. Tonight, I'm a bronze medal.

[Branflakes]

I really really really liked this, gollum.

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Branflakes, the ninja lesbian milk getter tease.
The one called "brain" and "brainflakes" and....
Officially declared "cute". Declares the bunny and Ersby and Wiloe "cute".
"One thing I've never been is straight, dear girl." Katchoo, SiP
"If ever you need naughty good things, just let me know..."-Starkyld
"With you around, Bran? It would take Starky less than a second before she is in trouble."-Fenix
I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
Life is what you make it.
Chatter Box

[typhonblue]

I found this description "her hair spread out below her as though it's flowing down the slope, pouring out of her skull" jarring. Interesting association your narrator makes. She seems... twisted. Not that that's a bad thing. However from the way the narrator describes her friend I didn't have a sence of the love she felt until she declared it. It seemed so... unflattering.

Fer instance: "and her shirt rides up, and i get a good look at the ribs poking out at me, or the hip bones that can't stick out far enough to hold up her always sagging pants." From this I get the feeling that the narrator isn't appreciative of her friend's looks. Why concentrate on the boniness of her body? Boniness tends to be associated with discomfort and unease, which are difficult emotions to reconcile with love. "Poking out at me" suggests an intrusive, agressive act that the narrator does not appreciate.

This is somewhat of my own bias, of course. I'm interested in learning what your intent was with the above passage, tho. It's an compelling description.

Your characters are interesting and unconventional. I'd like to read more. I particularly want to read about Thomas's story.


[This message has been edited by typhonblue (edited September 05, 2000).]

[gollum]

thanks for all your comments, everyone. i guess in the physical description of Adriana's boniness, i was looking more to contrast that with the fact that Sarah feels compelled to gorge herself whenever they go to the lake.

and yes, there's more!1 i'll post it soon, as soon as i get it typed up. it'll tell you a little more about Thomas--not his story, per se, but he's a very major character in the next installment.

thanks for reading i really appreciate everyone's comments and just the fact that you all took the time to read it.

-g

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Sometimes i think everyone on this board is crazy. The rest of the time i'm sure. -Dan
somehow i see [gollum] clinging to a tower and rousingly calling for a new world order. -starky

Yeah, I'm a real prize. Tonight, I'm a bronze medal.